DWARVES

Dwarves’ homeland is in mountain caves, but they often live in the city too. They eat cave lichen and weird cave fish, drinking water, mead, ale, and beer. They have a large say in the black market, and love to make money. They also have a good sense of humor.

Culture

Dwarves drink lots of alcohol. Anything they can ferment, they will. Infact, most of the types of alcohol were created by dwarves fermenting strange cave items. If they get bored of alcohol, they also occasionally do amphetamines, and in rare cases, deliriants. Both of these options are outlawed by both dwarven and human law, but the underground amphetamine market is too big to control, and is run by several gigantic crime families. Dwarves are not actually very small, but over time have adapted to a very curled up walking stance that they prefer to actual walking. They evolved this stance due to walking through small caverns in the caves they live in. When they feel threatened, Dwarves will stand up completely stretching up to 7 feet tall. In this state, they can run up to 30mph and wield large axes and hammers to decimate whatever is threatening them.

Religion

Dwarves are generally free to practice whatever religion suits them. Some follow the rules of the church, some are atheists. Some dwarves will make up silly gods to worship like “The man who walks behind the cave” or “Spanktaculous”. My personal favorite is the niche following of “Dodecahyperpolyhedrius” which was created when one follower took high doses of methamphetamine and diphenhydramine, and saw a gigantic mess of seemingly random geometric madness. Also worshiped in this religion is “The hatman” and “The shadow people”

ELVES

Elves live in the mountains. They live in relative paradise, and have enough food, water, shelter, ect to live comfortably with little to no work. This plan has only one weakness: Cloth. They have no way to make cloth in the mountains, and need to resort to going down to the neighboring villages to get cloth. This is a major problem because they are so secluded, they no longer remember the common language.

Habitat

Elves live high in the mountain peaks. The mountains give them plenty of resources. Hot springs originate here and run down the mountains becoming rivers. They eat wild leaks that grow rampantly and their houses are huts, made from tree bark. They also make rope from wild grass that grows.

Culture

Elves are often dry and consider themselves pure and better than other races. They have their own version of the church and teach that all elves are born holy. What keeps them from waging war against the masses is that they don't want the “Filthy lower grounds”. They live in a communistic society, the major principle being “From each according to their ability, to each according to their need”. They have no government, and from the outside it would appear they are a sort of hivemind, although this is untrue. Their language elven (or as they would call it, high language) is very breathy and soft. They are asocial creatures.

Relations

Because they share the mountains with the dwarves, they are sometimes forced to negotiate with them. Often they are astonished by the dwarvish ways, being almost completely opposite in all regards. They don't wage war, but they think down on them. Outsiders of the mountains are not welcome in the elven sections of the lands. They are simultaneously the most egalitarian and fascistic society.

GOBLINS

Goblins are bloodthirsty creatures. Very small, usually around 3 feet, are cultish and barbaric. They talk in high pitched funny voices, but practice banditry as an occupation. They often abuse amphetamines they buy from dwarves for recreation as well as to make them more fierce.

Culture

Goblins live in small tribes in the woods. Often armed with hatchets, daggers, and clubs, they terrorize the forest and have little to no place in society. Inside their clans, however, they are extremely loyal. The night before a battle, each goblin cuts their hand and shakes it with all the other hands, signifying the blood shared between family. However, because of the nature of the ritual, bloodborne disease can spread rapidly in these tribes. If you kill a goblin, it is vital that you keep as much of the blood off you as possible, as goblins often give diseases like Rabies and AIDS. When goblins attack, they demand one person to come with them for the others to be unharmed. After dragging the person back to the camp with a bag over their head, they brutally sacrifice the person to appease the gods. They believe that the world has a finite amount of suffering, so the more suffering is caused to the person before they die, the less suffering will come to the clan. Goblins also have weird naming conventions, with goblins being named things like “Snotlicker” or “Wormeater”

Tactics

Goblins are also tricksters. They will devise elaborate plans to get their food and sacrifice victims. If you go to a goblin camp, you will probably find whiteboards and bulletin boards full of elaborate plans, red string, and other planning items. Goblins have been known to craft disguises of humans to try and gain entry to the town. Once found, they will threaten the guards, saying things like “I will bite your kneecaps off”. They will often create elaborate machinery to try and take over towns. A famous example was the “Bloodmobile” armed with 4 wheels, a cage, a wall in the front, and a crude ballista. The wall was originally added to protect from arrows, but it backfired when the driver couldn't see where they were driving and drove straight into the moat.

LEPRECHAUNS

The leprechauns are best described as “Redneck Bear Grylls”. They are solitary creatures living in the woods by themselves. They take the path of hardship even though they don't need to, and they love blood. They kill exclusively through traps. They supposedly keep pots of gold at the end of rainbows and you can keep it if you can sneak it out. However, it is an extremely bad idea to try and steal a leprechauns gold. If you get caught, they will be brutal. Some report faces getting ripped off. Even if you manage to sneak off, some leprechauns put trackers in their pots to track down thieves. Never take a leprechaun's lucky charms.

Culture

Leprechauns are sly tricksters that live in solitude because they view themselves as the “Sigma”. Truly the embodiment of Andrew Tate, they think of themselves as strong, cool, and a lone wolf. They refuse help from others because they think it weak, and often struggle because of it. Their religion prohibits them from directly causing pain, so they abuse a loophole by exclusively using traps. In one common trap, they tie a fork onto a young branch and wind it back so it is spring loaded. When triggered, it releases onto the unsuspecting creature, causing discomfort. Because they are not there to see the trap goes off, they assume that it must have failed by chance, and set it again.

Tricks

Leprechauns are tricksters. It’s said if you get to the end of a rainbow, you will get a pot of gold. However, this myth only gained traction because the leprechauns have a great PR team. They will plant pots with pieces of yellow chaulk at the end, making them worthless. These myths were propaganda pieces spread by lots of mass producing newspapers to say that they were rich. This was the original inspiration for Russian twitter bots. When one leprechaun, Professor spankington, was famously told “Burning down political rivals houses won't change anything” they responded “Not with that attitude it can't”. This sums up the leprechaun mindset.